Opinion article by Duke of Shomolu, Joseph Edgar
One of the fringe benefits of being husband to a billionaire is that you cannot be slapped and go scot free.
Who dares slap the husband of a well established billionaire and one of the richest women in the world
God, is it easy to be the man behind this very successful woman that would now warrant you to slap him even if he slapped you first.
You see, Nigerians don’t use to have sense. A man tired of being the boy boy at home decides to take his frustration to the club to relax and you are now asking him if he still sleeps with his wife?
Of course he will slap you and like the street urchin that you are will now dare slap him back. He will mess you up o.
He will forget the gray hair in his head and his BP and his other underlying health issues and jump at you in public in a futile attempt at beating you up.
You that don’t have the good life. You don’t fly private, French chef no dey cook for you and u no dey swig wine with Queen of England so you go beat am well.
All the jealousy will pour out and you will reign blows on the billionaire wife’s husband. You will generate energy from the beans and bread your local illiterate wife would have fed you with that morning and beat the quaker oats out of his stupid spoilt mouth.
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Unluckily for him, his security would not have been allowed into the club to help him reorder your DNA. So he will take his time to beat you black and blue, you foolish husband of a billionaire
Then you will enter your bullet proof car and beg your driver and security not to tell anybody what happened.
You will say, you hit your head on a lamp pole cos NEPA took light. You will give them 100,000 each because you can afford it to keep quiet and those ones will quietly collect the money and rush home to tell their wives- dem beat oga today.
As you get to the palace, you sneak into the bathroom and go into the jacuzzi to soothe the pain. The swelling in your face and the blood shot eyes give you out
As mummy comes in, she screams- Darling what happened, who did this to you?
You will lie and say it’s NEPA. I hit a pole and as usual she will believe you because where else would she find a docile partner who will give her the free hand to go and conquer the world
’Ohhh baby;, she will say. Don’t worry, fly to Cannes tomorrow morning and go and relax in the sun and you will say okay dear come let me touch you.
As usual the erection will not come. It had seized 10-years ago. You will just give her a peck and go under the sweet soothing lathered water, imported from the Swiss alps.
Then the club opens the can. Lagbaja has been suspended for fighting in the club. Lagbaja slapped first and he was slapped back and he was beaten soundly hence he has to go on suspension for flouting club rules
The cat is out but daddy is already in Cannes leaving behind a bruised ego and an embarrassed billionaire wife.
In all these the Club in Ikoyi stands erect. To look beyond the personalities involved to not only enforce the rule but put it on the notice board to serve as a deterrent to other fools who may decide to do same
They sha be ready to tax themselves some more because they have surely lost the huge annual support that comes from Ikoyi crescent.
But then again a little price to pay for sanity.
Who dares slap the husband of a billionaire? Who dares?
*Duke of Shomolu*
