Opinion article by Duke of Shomolu, Joseph Edgar
Please someone should come and warn this Pastor Rapu for me. The way the man is going with his ‘Shekere Ministry’, he will soon catch me O and if he does it will be a massive blow to the porn community.
If you know me very well, you will notice that I don’t go to church. My papa make church tire me. Growing up as a very stubborn Pastor’s son, my father felt that bouts of prayers and scriptures and pouring olive oil on my head would free me of the demons. But na lie!
In the beginning, I believed until one day I was ill with belu belu. The thing nearly killed me as I couldn’t swallow, they took me to church and placed hands on me and gave me olive oil to drink, the belu belu come worse.
Na one mallam for Bariga come put him finger with stick pressing down my tongue come cut the thing and the pain sent me to a spastic shock.
Since then I just dey look this church thing with one eye, common belu belu dem no fit cure. So, I spiritually leave the place na only my body dem dey see for church. When I entered University, I gained freedom from my dad, na only Catholic church I come dey go to chase Ngozi wey dey sell pepper soup for black market.
I never really understand why we gather every Sunday and listen to the same story over and over again. Jesus was born by the virgin Mary and King David was more a philanderer than the great Fela Kuti and all the other stories.
Same stories but with different ‘jomo’ that is exaggeration according to who you are listening to. Either Oyedepo in his white suit, giving you one fabu or na the other one with accountant bow tie along the Lagos Express or the psychedelic one on the Rock down to my favourite the dread-locked Man U loving Pastor J.
All na Fabu and it is catching una. Billions are raked in almost not taxed and making a very few extremely rich and the rest of us just looking like the leper in the bible with sores
But this Pastor Rapu, that is how he would be looking for my trouble. He will not let me be, he will be carrying his Shekere and be disturbing my soul.
I had found out very early that like King Herod abi I no sure about him name in the Bible that na Music fit hold my troubled spirit. Remember when ogbanje spirit catch am, he will call David to come play music and he will be calm.
Na Pastor Chris Okotie first do me that bad thing. When he sings, my spirit will be calm. My spirit will go to sleep and I will find peace. But the moment he starts the fabu, I will stand up and go canteen, go chop. When he start singing again, I will come back.
The Fountain of life choir come catch me. When they sing, I dey want tear my cloth and scream. I will just stand there and at times tears will come down my handsome cheeks and I will say yes sing for me.
Songs have saved my life. Hymns held me when I lost my parents. Till today there is still a song that if one of my brothers Lemu sings in his tenor, I go cry. I go cry like mumu.
That is how this man Rapu has been catching me with his Shekere. I simply love his choir, the beautiful rendition and the magical use of the Shekere, I swear he dey calm me.
This morning, as I come downstairs to wait for my virtual meeting, I say make I watch TV and na my trombone man I see O. The same one wey I dey give Afang on Sunday.
He was shooting at his trombone in such a powerful way that I became transfixed. Then a girl with very large breast started singing the song we use bury Dr Mudasiru – How great thou art.
I just weak. I siddon for chair and start to cry. The big breast was singing like my life was about to go. I listened and cried and covered my head ooo God.
Na my weakness be this O. Anytime police want catch me na to play these Rapu songs I no go fit fight again and I go just settle.
So this Sunday, a trombone man is coming with his Shekere to play me these tunes over Afang and in front of my 10 friends and I go cry again and weak.
Please send me Rapu number, I need to warn am before he capture my spirit O. I never want born again yet, I still get some more sins to commit before the time of rapture.
Kai
*Duke of Shomolu*
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