Opinion article by Duke of Shomolu, Joseph Edgar
Edgar, I will like to see you he said. Nice young boy. He works with the Corporate Communications team of a major bank.
I see him around and he sits aloof when I go look for my sponsorship with the Bank. He says HI and I say Hi and he helps me reach the core people when I find it difficult to reach them so you can say he is my friend.
I say ok. Meet me at Cactus and let’s do lunch. He comes in, rotund and well fed. Ambitious with big plans but you can see he is out of his depth
He has been offered a job. The guy used to work with them but he is doing so well. He has built a finance platform that lends to traders and he is worth billions now.
I say what would you be doing for him. He says strategy and I say what do you do for your bank.
He says I handle events. I help get vendors and make sure everything is OK for the shows or whatever events our bank is doing.
I say how long have you been with the bank, he says 5 years and I say in that 5 years which other department have you worked in. He says none but he is bored, he screams at me.
By this time the food has come. As I munch, I watch him intently. I see through him. The need to brag, the need to prove to me that he is a man and the need to get my approval is apparent.
I smile as he continues. I have given this boy N5 million of money. I have also moved a lot of investments towards Him and will also move my father-in-laws funds there too.
He has never failed me. A lot of my colleagues are pushing funds there and he has recruited so many of us, he enthused.
I say ok. What kind of strategy will you be doing for him I asked not seeing the nexus between counting billboards and arranging chairs for banks events and heading strategy for a multi billion Naira Finance House.
He says, ‘ that’s why I am talking to you’. Put me through and also help us move more funds for a fee since you are the man.
I ask him who will be paying for the food before I talk didn’t want to be stranded since I had to drill home somethings for this young man.
Bro, stay where you are… Do not leave the bank because you will end up in jail. I tell him. He looks at me as I take one huge slice of the chicken infront of me.
Yes my brother, have you heard of Corporate Governance, have you heard of institutionalization of processes, have you heard of fund matching and also of obligor limits and much more importantly Keyman risk.
He is staring. Edgar, let’s do this thing together. Let me open you up to the guy, meet him you will like him.
I say bro let’s meet him but before then let him get consultants and get his corporate governance structure in place and start pushing towards the Stock Exchange because with his N22b valuation it’s getting too heavy for him, I said as I stood up to leave before he changes his mind to pay for my food.
Yesterday, I got a call. This was almost 6 months after that encounter.
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Have you heard of the boy who ran away with N22b, I almost gave him N5 million thanks for the advise.
This was my second friend who had escaped with the skin of her teeth.
I said what happened. He sends a link and I smiled. This was inevitable; it would always end like this.
So he sets out with a vision and instantly the market of semi literate pundits looking for a quick bulk accept and take him as their personal lord and savior
The funds keep pouring in because of the fantastic rate but the outlets will not move at the same pace as the inflows so to survive you start to circle it and the Ponzi begins.
A lack of corporate governance begins to show gaps in expenditure as the lines between public funds and personal funds blur and the whole structure morphs into a clay footed edifice.
The poor pastor with a self proclaimed vision of building the biggest auditorium sends prayers and some of the funds go to him as tithe, donations and the rest.
To oblige, he puts the investment manager now scam artists on various church committees especially the building fund committee and the Private Jet Committee
By this time, the scammer can see the empire crumbling so he starts preparing his exit. He buys citizenship in tax havens, moves his family out and starches hard currency in far flung places preparing for life very far from the chaos he has fostered on families.
Then the fools who have given him money like zombies believe that they are on to a good thing.
More funds are pouring in and more friends are asked to join the tomfoolery that is this Ponzi.
Then it dawns on them, the fools. It’s over. Scarface has escaped with all their monies gone. They set up a WhatsApp group to stare at each others genitals in apt helplessness.
N22 billion gone. .. Even if he is caught, it will take years to recover especially if he had been lucky enough like we are hearing to have locked most of the funds up in complicated schemes in secure climes.
Who looses out. The fools who dropped their funds because of outlandish rates, the system that now once again has to deal with trust and credibility issues and me because this last fool will not buy me lunch again at Cactus.
Sad…
*Duke of Shomolu*
